Everyone tells me to. They tell me as if it’s easy, as if it’s something I can go into wholeheartedly.
Where’s the time to date?
Where is the wholeness a person needs to be another’s?
When I finally date, I want to be a whole person —college degree, maturity, and all.
I’m nowhere near graduating.
I’m emotionally and mentally (when it comes to self worth especially) damaged [which was diagnosed by a past therapist]; that’s why I’m always trying to push myself to be a stronger, more positive person.
I’m a mere child when it comes to feelings. I don’t know how they work. I’ve never had true feelings when it comes to this stuff.
It’s just. No. It’s not the time. Everyone thinks dating is easy, that it makes sense, that it’s fun. Okay, I guess it could be, but I don’t want childish games. I don’t want to test the waters; I don’t have enough in me to do that.
When I finally date seriously, I want it to be a whole, non-juvenile relationship. I want the real thing, a real thing that will change my life.
I don’t want to date just to pass time. I don’t want to date just for experience. When I date, I’m going to date because I’m looking for a potential spouse.
I do not have enough inside of me to let myself be burned more times than I need to be.
I’m invested in fixing, strengthening myself as a person before anything else. I’m invested in shaping my future because you know what will be there one day even if my love life never makes a turn for the better?
My career. My job. My true passion —whatever it may be years down the line.
Just trust me when I say that I’m not ready to wear my heart on my sleeve, and I bet that the kind of guys I deserve aren’t ready, either.